“The Tyranny of Your Possessions” is a phrase that was uttered in October of 2017 at the Groundbreaking of the Vintage Cooperative of Ankeny. It is profound statement when you observe older adults wrestling with the decision to move to a Co-Op home or smaller home.
How do people end up with so many things?
The following paragraphs were taken from a RelevantRadio.Com website article that describes how people accumulate things.
“Have you ever had this happen? You buy new hand towels for your bathroom, and soon you’re buying new sofas for the living room. Because you buy new hand towels and realize you need a new bath carpet, and then you need to repaint the bathroom, and then you need to repaint the hallway, and then you need to redo the furniture inside the living room.”
“Believe it or not, there is a name for this. It is called the Diderot Effect. Named after a famous French philosopher of the Enlightenment, Diderot, who, among other things wrote this famous essay, entitled ‘Regrets on Parting with My Old Dressing Gown.’ And inside this essay he talks about the experience where he received a new robe as a gift. A nice, red robe. And he loved it.”
“He loved wearing it, it was nicer than anything he had. But then he started to realize that nothing fit in with it. None of his other clothes were as nice. So he got nicer clothes to match his gown. And then he had to get nicer seats to match his nicer clothes. And then he had to get nicer furniture to match his nicer seats. It led to this out-of-control spending that he really regretted.”
From that same article Father Matthew Spencer, Saint Joseph’s Workshop, had these words about the Diderot effect.
“I liked what Diderot said about his dressing gown. He said, ‘I was the absolute master of my old robe. I have become the slave of my new one.’ This happens so much in our life. God does not want us to be a slave to possessions and things.
Although sometimes you must purchase new things, and it’s important to do that, it still happens that we become slaves to our possessions. And I see this happening more and more in our society and in our culture. We become slaves to what we possess. Our possessions begin to possess us.”
Why do people hold onto Stuff?
According to an article from Psychology Today “The answer is complicated because there are so many different kinds of stuff and there are so many different kinds of people . No two individuals are alike. No situations are alike. Each is unique in their environment, and although you may empathize, you cannot compare your situation to theirs, nor can you judge them .” What are the reasons people hold onto stuff?
| Lack of permission Lack of instructions Lack of knowledge I didn’t know it had a deadline Not aware of an alternative I borrowed it, and don’t know if they want it back Out of sight, out of mind I may need it someday Can’t waste Someone else may need it | Sentimentality Overwhelmed Don’t know where to begin Unable to bite off small pieces to downsize Not ready; waiting for the right time Not a priority Fear of letting go This is not the first thing on my agenda |
Giving and Getting Permission
The first reason listed is the “Lack of Permission”. The Psychology Today articles says that “Many people simply don’t feel that they have the permission to get rid of things. They need to be reassured that they are adults, and it’s their stuff to do with as they like.” Which raises the question “Who needs to give permission?“. One obvious answer could be adult children. Find out from them what item or items they would like from your possessions. It may be brutal to find out they do not want your treasures.
When there are family heirlooms asking your siblings what they may want from your collection is another avenue. While they hold sentimental value for you, your siblings may not want any of the items. In deciding what to hang onto and what to let go of your family is the best source of getting permission.
Ultimately give yourself permission to de-clutter and to dispose of things that are stored in boxes and tubs. If it has sat for years in a box that hasn’t been opened in at least two years it is probably time to let it go. The Salvation Army and Goodwill Industries can use donations to support their mission of assisting those in need and you can get the satisfaction from helping others.
Are Your Possessions Holding You Back?
Are your possessions holding you back from moving to new surroundings? Are you putting off doing things because you cannot bare to part with your possessions? If you are please arrange a visit with one of the Vintage Cooperative Ambassadors about how they handled the disposal of possessions and the emotions experienced. The following quote was found on the Huffington Post website: “We can’t control getting older, but we can control how we do it!”. At some point in time all those things you own are going to affect your decision making on how you want to live the rest of your life.
Article by Lynn Paustian